This has been a tumultuous week, trying to run the business and a household while fighting off the mother of all flues, and it all seemed to come to a head over the weekend.
Friday night was to be an evening building burgers at school, followed by ADIDAS Skate expo and a movie. None of these materialised, my little boy would prefer being with friends than with the “old man”.
I had come to the realisation that my little boy was now a little man and starting to assert his independence. This made me think back of my own relationship with my father, and how I would have like certain things to be different.
How does one go about giving that independence and yet be able to share in their world?
Recognise that sons, and daughters, are influenced by a fathers behaviour. Whether we would like to admit it or not, our sons learn how to behave like men by observing what their fathers do, and what their father’s reactions are to certain events.
Don’t be afraid of playing. My favourite memories of my dad where the times we would play games together, wrestling being the most fun. I would walk around for days gloating at the fact that I could get me dad into a hold he could not break free from.
Develop common interests. Go camping or hunting. Being involved in gym and training, I try to make time to train together, have not been to successful of late, but it is something I aim to change.
Get involved. Show him your support by attending his sporting events, or help in on a project, even better, sit down and plan a project together.
Open lines of communications. My mother always said “don’t sell me a lie if I never asked to buy one.”I believe it is important for fathers to talk to their sons as equals, teach them the importance of honesty. Be honest with them about how you feel and teach them that it is perfectly normal to make mistakes, own up to them and accept any consequences that come with it. Be willing to broach any subject and do not be afraid to admit you do not have the answers, make an effort in finding the answers and reporting back to your child.
Make time. I work odd hours, being a single parent, when I get home I have to rush to finish the meal and reply to mail and attend to changed appointments. Once that is done, I like to sit down and have a chat with the kids, I do take an interest in how their day was. My current pet peeve, cell phones, this seems to cut into the 2 hours I get to spend with the lads, try and have a conversation with the back of someone’s cell phone.
I am sure that there are a lot more that one can do or say about the subject and I hope to expand on this some time in the future.
To the fathers with pre-teens, really enjoy the time you have with your children, for now you are a super hero, to those with teens, accept that you will be the old man and prison guard, but remember if you laid the right foundation with your child, you will once again wear the super heroes cape.
Being an old timer this song has been running through the rafters of my mind this whole weekend, get yourself a copy, I am sure it will speak to you as it has to me.
Abba Slipping Through My Fingers Lyrics
Songwriters: ANDERSSON, BENNY GORAN BROR / ULVAEUS, BJOERN K.
School bag in hand, (s)he leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her/him go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I’m losing her/him forever
And without really entering her/his world
I’m glad whenever I can share her/his laughter
That funny little girl/boy
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what’s in her/his mind
Each time I think I’m close to knowing
(s)he keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sleep in our eyes, her/him and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when (s)he’s gone there’s that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can’t deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn’t
And why I just don’t know
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what’s in her/his mind
Each time I think I’m close to knowing
(s)he keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers…
Slipping through my fingers all the time
School bag in hand (s)he leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile…
Slipping Through My Fingers lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, EMI Music Publishing
